Church Humor
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Reverend Fun
Church Bulletin Bloopers
Church Humor
Christian Fun
Chonda Pierce
Band Aids For The Heart

Email Humor
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We Recieved The Following Via Email from a friend of the Site

It was Palm Sunday and, because of a sore throat, five year old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm branches.

The boy asked what they were for. "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by." "Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed, "the one Sunday I don't go, He shows up!"

One Easter Sunday morning as the minister was preaching the childrens' sermon, he reached into his bag of props and pulled out an egg. He pointed at the egg and asked the children, "What's in here?" "I know !" A little boy exclaimed. "Pantyhose!"

Little Johnny asked his grandma how old she was. Grandma answered, "39 and holding." Johnny thought for a moment, and then said, "and how old would you be if you let go?"

A little boy in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed around the offering plates. When they came near his pew, the boy said loudly, "Don't pay for me daddy, I'm under five."

The Sunday school teacher asked, "Now, Johnny do you say prayers before eating?" "No sir", he replied, "we don't have to. My mom is a good cook."

"Oh I am sure glad to see you ," said the little boy to his grandmother on his mother's side. "Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us." The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that?" she asked. "I heard him tell mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit," exclaimed the boy.

When my three year old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to my mother and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with waterguns?" Mom smiled and then replied..... "I Remember."

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes sir," the new employee replied. "Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on."After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."

Recently, when I went to McDonald's, I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.
"You don't?" I replied.
"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.
"So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right."
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a couple of months ago. I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine.

I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.

Not finding the bar code she said to me "Do you know how much this is?"
and I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today".

She said "OK" and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.....

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. Do you need some help?" I asked.

She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car."

"Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?"

"Hmmm, I dunno."

"Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.

"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries it's a long walk.

Several years ago, we had an intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"

"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her.

With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is NOX-VUL.

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Knoxville has its own version of traffic rules....Hold on and pray. There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Knoxville. They all drive like that.

3. All directions start with, "Go down to Kingston Pike"... which has no beginning and no end.

4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic a "scenic drive."

5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid getting into any cross-traffic's way.

7. Gallaher Road can only be pronounced by a native.

8. Construction on I-40 / 75 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.

9. All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we are in Farragut!!"

10 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.

11. All old ladies with blue hair in pink Cadillacs have the right of way.

12. The minimum acceptable speed on the Pellisippi Parkway is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

13. The wrought iron on windows in east Knoxville isn't ornamental.

14. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says,"Keep honking. I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone. Concealed weapons are a jealously guarded God-given right.

15. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 60 mph zone ... people are not waving when they go by.

16. The Pellisippi Parkway is our daily version of NASCAR.

17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.

18. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Dogwood Arts Festival is going on.

19.Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, race tracks, airports, etc. are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.

20. Anyone within 20 miles of Knoxville on the day of a UT home game, is certifiably crazy.

Retro Clip Art From Havana Street