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MESSAGE #4 OF 6 - EPHESIANS 6:4

SECRETS OF SUCESSFUL PARENTING

FOR MOST COUPLES THE DAY COMES WHEN THE SHEER PRIDE AND JOY OF PARENTING ARRIVES. OF COURSE, FOR THE FIRST SIX MONTHS THERE IS A MUFFLED SOUND THAT ALMOSTS HAUNTS THE NEW PARENTS. THEN THEY COME TO FIND OUT IT IS THE HALF-CONCEALED LAUGHS OF THEIR OWN PARENTS.

OH YES, YOUR PARENTS ARE WATCHING AND LAUGHING AS YOUR CHILDREN DO ALL THOSE THINGS YOU SAID THEY WOULD NEVER DO, YOUR PARENTS ARE LAUGHING. WHEN YOU ARE FIFTEEN MINUTES LATE, AGAIN, BECAUSE YOU HAD TO CHANGE HIS DIAPER AND HIS ENTIRE OUTFIT RIGHT AS YOU WERE WALKING OUT THE DOOR, YOUR PARENTS ARE LAUGHING. WHEN YOUR CHILD PROUDLY AND LOUDLY ANNOUNCES HIS SUCCESS WITH HIS POO-POO, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RESTAURANT, OH YEAH, THEY ARE LAUGHING. WHEN THE TEACHER CALLS FOR THE AFTER SCHOOL PARENT/TEACHER MEETING, ABOUT WHAT TOOK PLACE ON THE PLAYGROUND, YOUR PARENTS ARE LAUGHING.

AND THAT IS OK. YOUR PARENTS DESERVE TO LAUGH AT YOU BECAUSE OF ALL THAT YOU PUT THEM THROUGH. AND YES, THEY HAVE SPENT MULTIPLE HOURS, ON THEIR KNEES, BEGGING GOD TO ALLOW YOUR CHILDREN TO ACT THE SAME WAY YOU ACTED AS A CHILD.

BUT, IT IS NO LAUGHING MATTER WHAT HAS HAPPENED AND WHAT IS HAPPENING TO KIDS TODAY. IF YOU WILL ONLY SPEND ONE HOUR IN ONE OF OUR PUBLIC SCHOOLS, YOU WILL LEARN OF THE PLIGHT OF OUR CHILDREN. THEY ARE NEGLECTED AT HOME, BEING RAISED BY DAYCARE CENTERS, GRANDPARENTS, NEIGHBORS AND COACHES OF THE BALL TEAMS ON WHICH THEY PLAY. THEY ARE WATCHING TELEVISION, AND MOVIES AND LISTENING TO MUSIC THAT IS NOT FIT FOR AN ADULT TO HEAR. THEY ARE STREET SMART AND LOVE STARVED. WHERE DID WE GO WRONG? WHAT CAN WE DO TO FIX WHAT IS WRONG?

JUST AS WITH, MARRIAGE, HUSBANDS AND WIVES, GOD HAS A PLAN FOR PARENTS. HUNDREDS OF BOOKS HAVE BEEN PUBLISHED, ARTICLES HAVE BEEN WRITTEN, INTERVIEWS HAVE BEEN GIVEN, BUT WHAT DOES THE BIBLE HAVE TO SAY ABOUT PARENTING AND IS IT RELEVANT FOR TODAY’S PARENTS AND KIDS?

LET’S LOOK AT THE TEXT FOR THIS MESSAGE.

EPHESIANS 6:4

“And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” NKJV

“And you, fathers, do not irritate your children, but bring them up tenderly with true Christian training and advice.” WEYMOUTH TRANSLATION

“And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” NASB

“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” NIV

“Fathers, do not make your children angry, but raise them with the training and teaching of the Lord.” INTERNATIONAL CHILDRENS BIBLE

HERE WE SEE FIVE DIFFERENT TRANSLATIONS OF THE SAME VERSE. NOTICE THE SIMILARITIES;

1. (FOCUS ON FATHERS) DO NOT AGGITATE, AGGRAVATE, PROVOKE, IRRITATE, EXASPERATE OR MAKE YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE CHILDREN ANGRY.
2. BRING THEM UP, RAISE THEM, TO MATURITY.
3. TENDERLY TRAIN, USING DISCIPLNE, WITH THE GOAL OF CHRISTIAN MATURITY.
4. TEACH, ADVISE, AND INSTRUCT, WITH THE GOAL OF CHRISTIAN MATURITY.

????QUESTIONS????

WHY DID PAUL SINGLE OUT DADS?

WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO RAISE KIDS THAT ARE PLEASING T0 G0D?

HOW DO I TENDERLY DISCIPLINE MY KIDS?

HOW DO I KEEP THE GOAL OF CHRISTIAN MATURITY FOR MY CHILDREN?

MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT PARENTING

KIDS DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!

IT IS IMPORTANT FOR MY KIDS TO HAVE MORE STUFF THAN I HAD!

A PARENT SHOULD BE A CHILD’S BEST FRIEND!

I CAN’T DISCIPLINE AND PROVIDE THE RELATIONSHIP MY CHILD NEEDS!

IF I DISCIPLINE MY KIDS, THEY WILL NOT BELIEVE THAT I LOVE THEM!

RAISING KIDS TO BE THOUGHTFUL, RESPECTFUL, POLITE AND REVERANT, IS AN OLD-FASHIONED, OUT-DATED IDEA OF PARENTING!

PUNISHMENT AND DISCIPLINE ARE THE SAME THING!

THE 2 MAIN ASPECTS OF CHRISTIAN PARENTING AS FOUND IN EPHESIANS 6:4

TRAINING – ACCORDING TO THE BLUE LETTER BIBLE (ON-LINE) TRAINING AS IT IS USED HERE REFERS TO THE WHOLE BEING OF A CHILD.

“1) the whole training and education of children (which relates to the cultivation of mind and morals) It also includes the training and care of the body
2) whatever also cultivates the soul, esp. by correcting mistakes and curbing passions.
3) instruction which aims at increasing virtue”

OFTEN WE STOP FAR SHORT OF HOW GOD INTENDS FOR US TO TRAIN OUR CHILDREN. IT GOES MUCH FURTHER THAN SIMPLY PROVIDING FOR THEM, DISCIPLINING THEM, KEEPING THEM CLEAN AND PUTTING THEM TO BED.

A. SUPPORT

WHEN I THINK OF TRAINING A CHILD, I AUTOMATICALLY THINK OF A TOMATO CAGE. A TOMATO CAGE IS NOT A CAGE FOR TOMATOES THAT KEEPS THEM FROM ESCAPING. IT IS A WIRE CAGE THAT YOU PLACE OVER AND AROUND A TOMATO PLANT WHILE IT IS YOUNG. THE CAGE ALLOWS THE TOMATO PLANT TO BE SUPPORTED, GUIDED AND PROTECTED, WITHOUT SHELTERING IT FROM THE ELEMENTS. ITS MAIN FUNCTION IS TO KEEP THE PLANT FROM FALLING OVER BEFORE IT REACHES MATURITY.

THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT OUR FUNCTION AS PARENTS IS, AS WE TRAIN OUR CHILDREN. WE ARE TO BE THE GUIDE, THAT LEADS THEM DOWN THE PATHS THEY SHOULD TAKE. WE ARE TO BE SUPPORTIVE, WHILE LETTING THEM STAND ON THEIR OWN. FINALLY, TO BE PROTECTIVE OF OUR CHILDREN, BUT ONLY TO A POINT. WE SHOULD NOT AND CAN NOT TOTALLY PROTECT OUR CHILDREN FROM ALL THAT WILL COME AGAINST THEM. IF ALL WE DO AS WE TRAIN IS RESCUE THEM FROM TROUBLE, WE ARE NOT BEING PARENTS, WE ARE BEING THE RESCUE SQUAD.

NOT ONLY ARE WE, AS PARENTS, SUPPOSED TO BE THE GUIDING FORCE IN THEIR LIVES AS WE SUPPORT THEM, WE MUST GUIDE THEM WITH DISCIPLINE.

B. DISCIPLINE

IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO BE A DISCIPLE, WITHOUT DISCIPLINE. GOD IS CLEAR IN HIS WORD ABOUT HIS STANCE ON DISCIPLINE. (SEE HEBREWS 12:3-11) NOW HERE IS A SECRET ABOUT DISTINGUISHING BETWEEN PUNISHMENT AND DISCIPLINE. IF WE ARE FOLLOWING BIBLICAL PRINCIPALS WE WILL DISCIPLINE AND NEVER PUNISH.

DISCIPLINE – CORRECTION FOR THE FUTURE.

PUNISHMENT – PAYMENT FOR PAST WRONGS.

WHEN WE DECIDE TO DISCIPLINE, WE MUST NEVER PUNISH. DISCIPLINE FOR THE FUTURE. THERE IS TRULY NOTHING THAT CAN BE DONE ABOUT THE PAST. MAKE SURE WHEN YOU DISCIPINE YOU ARE LOOKING TO THE FUTURE.

IT IS CLEAR THAT JESUS WAS PUNISHED FOR US. HE TOOK UPON HIMSELF ALL OF OUR SINS AND HE PAID FOR THEM. THEY ARE PAID IN FULL AND FORGOTTEN. BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN HE DOESN’T DISCIPLINE US FOR FUTURE GROWTH WHEN WE FALL SHORT TODAY. (AGAIN SEE HEBREWS 12:3-11)

DISCIPLINE IS A MUST FOR THE DISCIPLE
THE 2ND OF THE 2 MAIN ASPECTS OF PARENTING

TEACHING FROM THE ROOT WORD THAT MEANS TO SET, PLACE, ESTABLISH, EVEN TO BUILD A FOUNDATION.

THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT WE ARE DOING AS PARENTS. WE ARE ACTIVELY BUILDING A FOUNDATION ON WHICH, OUR CHILDREN WILL BUILD THEIR LIVES. LOOK AT YOUR CHILD AT THREE, AT SIX, AT ELEVEN, AT FIFTEEN AND THAT IS WHAT YOU WILL HAVE AT TWENTY-FIVE, THIRTY-FIVE AND FORTY-FIVE.

DOES THAT THOUGHT BRING YOU PEACE AND HAPPINESS AT THE THOUGHT OF A JOB WELL DONE, OR DOES IT MAKE YOUR SKIN CRAWL?

TWO AREAS WE NEED TO TEACH OUR CHILDREN ABOUT:

A. IN THE WAYS OF THE LORD.

IT IS NOT THE SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHERS JOB!
IT IS NOT THE CHILDREN DIRECTOR’S JOB!
IT IS NOT THE PASTOR’S JOB!

IT IS YOUR JOB TO RAISE YOUR CHILDREN IN THE WAYS OF THE LORD. WE CANNOT EXPECT OUR CHILDREN TO KNOW AND EXPERIENCE GOD THROUGH A VIDEO SCREEN. THEY MUST SEE IT LIVED OUT IN FRONT OF THEM. NO MATTER WHAT WE SAY, THEY WILL LEARN FROM WHAT WE DO.

“YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH. AND THESE WORDS WHICH I COMMAND YOU TODAY SHALL BE IN YOUR HEART. YOU SHALL TEACH THEM DILIGENTLY TO YOUR CHILDREN, AND SHALL TALK OF THEM WHEN YOU SIT IN YOUR HOUSE, WHEN YOU WALK BY THE WAY, WHEN YOU LIE DOWN, AND WHEN YOU RISE UP. YOU SHALL BIND THEM AS A SIGN ON YOUR HAND, AND THEY SHALL BE AS FRONTLETS BETWEEN YOUR EYES. YOU SHALL WRITE THEM ON THE DOORPOSTS OF YOUR HOUSE AND ON YOUR GATES.”
DEUTERONOMY 6:5-9

B. IN THE WAYS OF THE WORLD.

NOT ONLY SHOULD WE TEACH THEM THE WAYS OF THE LORD, BUT IT IS OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO TEACH THEM THE WAYS OF THE WORLD. YOUR CHILDREN, NO MATTER HOW SHELTERED YOU KEEP THEM, WILL LEARN WHAT THE WORLD HAS TO OFFER.

NOW, IT IS UP TO YOU, WHETHER THEY LEARN FROM YOU OR FROM THEIR FRIENDS. PLEASE UNDERSTAND I AM NOT SAYING WE HAVE TO EXPOSE THEM TO ALL THE WORLD HAS TO OFFER, BUT WE NEED TO INFORM THEM OF WHAT THEY WILL FACE. AT APPROPRIATE AGES, (THAT WILL VARY DEPENDING ON THE CHILD) START DISCUSSING TOPICS WITH YOUR CHILDREN SUCH AS: SEX, DRUGS, ALCOHOL, INTEGRITY, PORNOGRAPHY, ABORTION, ETHICS, ETC…

PARENTS – THE PHONE IS RINGING, WILL YOU ANSWER THE CALL. IT IS UP TO YOU AS A PARENT TO TRAIN AND TO TEACH YOUR CHILDREN. DON’T LEAVE IT UP TO ANYONE ELSE TO TEACH AND TRAIN THEM. ANSWER THE CALL, STEP UP TO THE PLATE, REALIZE IT IS NOT EASY, IT WILL BE HARD WORK, LONG HOURS, NO PAY, BUT THE RESULTS ARE IMMEASURABLE.

PROVERBS 22:6
“TRAIN UP A CHILD IN THE WAY HE SHOULD GO, AND WHEN HE IS OLD HE WILL NOT DEPART FROM IT.”

I AM AFFECTED EACH DAY BY THINGS THAT MY FATHER AND MOTHER TAUGHT ME AS A CHILD. OFTEN, I DO THINGS THE WAY MY DAD DID THINGS. WHEN I WAS A CHILD, I NEVER DREAMED I WAS BEING TRAINED, I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST LIFE. LOOKING BACK I CAN SEE MY PARENTS HAND ON MY LIFE, ACTIVELY INVOLVED IN TRAINING AND TEACHING ME.

THANKS MOM, THANKS DAD!