Swap Blog

2006 Predictions

Yes, they are a day late, but hey quality takes time, our excuse however is we were busy cleaning the house.

Church & Christianity

1. Most Christians will continue to complain about their suffering for God far more then they actual suffer for God
2. Church attendance will stay steady
3. Church participation will decline
4. The Goliaths that face most Christians will never be challenged, even though God has already defeated them
5. Mega churches will begin to discuss having their own sports leagues to compete against each other - suddenly Ex Pro athletes will join churches nationwide
6. Josh O will be banned from Aspen forever
7. Sunday school attendance will swell when the Baptist announces the new series - “Paris Hillton’s Bible Study” - the Paris Hillton of this series will be the daughter of a South Carolina pastor though - thus the different spelling of the last name.
8. Methodists will continue to have open minds
9. New seeker friendly pews will recline, Baptist deacons will vote for immediate installation
10. The KJV only crowd will finally read the front of their own translation and see that the KJV translator’s expected their to be updates and new translations due to better tools and new scripts, this of course will not matter as they will still sing - “If it was good enough for Jesus and John The Baptist it is good enough for me”
11. New text will show that the Da Vinci code was a complete fraud, but that will not make the news and many will still believe it to be true
12. The Chronicles of Narnia book sells will spike and C.S. Lewis will get banned from public schools, though Harry Potter will still be Ok
13. Leisure Christianity will be the title of the next big Christian movement in the US
14. Young Married classes world wide will swell when church youth departments start offering Friday night child care for “date nights”
15. Choir days will flop
1. UT Football / Basketball
1. Tennessee will have a losing season AGAIN
2. At least one game UT will announce the real attendance of 50K instead of the tickets sold
3. Fulmer will blame the freshman and say it was a rebuilding year
4. Two more coaches will be fired
5. Two more felony charges will result from off the field incidents
6. Fulmer will not get a raise or a extension for a second year
7. UT Basketball will make the NCAA and actually win the opening game
8. Bruce Pearl’s basketball time will over shadow the football team in the late fall and early winter
9. Bruce Pearl’s team will be ask to give a half time speech to the football time about hard work and discipline
10. Pearl’s contract will be extended and he will get a raise, which he will deserve
11. Thompson Bowling will be forced to remove the black curtains
12. Pat Summit will win another national championship and turn down three more offers to coach in the WNBA
13. South Carolina will beat Tennessee - the Steve O will have Fulmer’s number again for a few years
2. Tour De France
1. A German will win the Tour
2. Levi L will be top 10, as will Floyd Landis
3. George H will be top 15
4. The French press will say that the winner was dirty
5. L’Equipe will find a old urine sample and have it analyzed numerous times
6. Greg Lemond will claim that he could beat the current winner if it was not for the shot in his body
7. Trek will sponsor Eckomov’s one hour attempt and at 43 he will still almost get it
8. A Italian team will actually win the TTT
9. Ali Jet will still not make it over the mountains
10. Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crowe will visit Spain during the Tour and that will overshadow the Tour itself
3. Computers/ Technology
1. Microsoft will launch Vista on time, but security bugs will be found within 48 hours
2. The upgrade for Vista will cost more then some new computers (which will include Vista) after rebate
3. Bill Gates will laugh as users worldwide wait inline to buy upgrades and full OS’s, yet his personal system will be running Linux
4. AMD will launch a second gen 64 bit chip that will further widen the AMD v Intel gap
5. 2 GB DIMM’s will become affordable
6. Someone will finally admit that laptop screen size is out of control due to the introduction of 18″ and 19″ laptops, whose battery life will counted in minutes not hours
7. 18 cell Li Ion batteries will become the norm,
8. The term - “LUGIBLES” will be reintroduced to the computing world
9. Strong Bad will go international with Strong Juan and Strong Flippe and Strong Fuji
10. Best Buy will finally admit that the Geek Squad and their customer service is a joke
11. Bell South tech support will stop speaking Delhinglish, when Bell South moves their support center to Ireland, none of their customers will understand the new support center any better
12. Apple will launch a 8 GB Ipod Nano and then declare that they are the king of all computer hardware
13. Sun will come out of bankruptcy only to be bought by a Adobe / Cisco partnership
14. HD DVD’s will ship, but until compatibility is determined few will sell
15. My father will still think computers are a fade
16. Firefox V2.0b will be better then Internet Explorer V12 (circa 2007)
4. Gondolier will still have the best food in town for under $10
5. Wishbones will still have the best chicken in five states, but remain with just two locations
6. Cheerwine will continue to be the most under appreciated drink in the world
7. General Motors will lay off some more workers and still not launch any cars that excite people currently in foreign brand - they will blame Honda and Nissan for having a creative monopoly
8. Arnold will run Cali like a man on a mission to never run for re-election
9. The Democrats will loose seats in mid term elections
10. Bush’s numbers will go up after Iraq calms down
11. Bush will still not develop a effective Southern border policy and illegals will still flow in like the flooding Mississippi
12. Nancy P will have a nervous break down while talking to Mort Kondracky
13. New Orleans will continue to rebuild and hemorrhage money like a wounded solider does blood - the locals will blame in on the feds and the feds will ignore the charges for fear of bad press
14. Mississippi and Alabama will be back in business and back to normal before next hurricane season
15. Houston will ban all New Orleans residents from it’s city
16. Sundquist will still be the worst governor of Tennessee since reconstruction
17. Victor Ashe will stay out of Knoxville for fear that people will beat him once they see just how bad his last 8 years were
18. Both the Knoxville and Knox County mayors will continue to look good, have high numbers and little opposition
19. The Knox County school board will worry more about buildings then making classroom changes and the schools will look better but score worse
20. I-40 will still have more orange cones and pot holes then wreck free traffic days
21. The state will finally get to work on the Knoxville By Pass
22. Mast General Store on Gay will flourish, as will the down town Cinema
23. Knoxville’s Mass Transit system will still be a joke
24. The Ice Bears will win a championship and then Maryville will build them a decent facility and they will move to Maryville
25. Ben - The Coder - Gray will finally get K2 to work with Wordpress V2.0 and de.licous, while teaching Thomas to say - “Go Cubs” to every Braves fan in the area
26. John T Brown will begin the Scottishification of Queensland via weekly kilt parades
27. Milton Stanley will still run the best Christian blog in the nation, but will not win awards because he seeks quality over visits
28. Six Meat Buffet will be ask to have a ongoing and regular presence with the Knoxville News Sentinel
29. My college friends will continue to promise they will blog sometime, but never will
30. Tom Cruise will have to seek psychological help due to court order
31. Howard Stern will loose number on satelite radio once the newness wears off
32. Howard Stern will blame it on the FCC and his listeners will believe him
33. Air America will close it’s doors and congressional Democrats will try to silence talk radio via legislation restricting free speech, Howard Stern will blame the FCC and his listeners will believe him
34. The NSA will merge with the CIA making it the NCSIAA and everyone will just call them - Big Brother
35. The Supreme Court will decide that they think gray is the new black
36. Congress will have hearings about leaks until they realize they are the source of the leaks and then they will charge the White House with attacking their credibility. The American people will not notice as E will launch a new channel that is music and celebrity 24/7 and call it E=MC2
37. Terrorism will wane in Iraq, but increase in Lebanon and Syria.
38. New York will celebrate the fifth anniversary of 9/11 but most of America will not notice as they will be busy watching E=MC2
39. Canada will talk about medical reforms and even more wealthy Canadians will come to the US for treatment
40. Medi Care part D will be re-named the “Government Retiree Confusion Plan” when 90 different options, none of which anyone understands completely, will be offered
41. There will be a Seinfield Reunion show, which will win the week, because Michael, Julia and Jason will need to make some money in 2006 where they will not qualify as un-employed and lose their actor guild cards
42. The Colts will win a Super Bowl, and Peyton Manning will change his name to Joe the Second
43. Fat Celeb’s will still put their weight back on after Celeb Fit Challenge III
44. MTV will actually play some videos
45. OLN will sign Tyler Hamilton as a color commentator, thus creating the US version of Phil and Paul with Bob and Tyler
46. The Tour of Georgia and Tour of California coverage will get better ratings on OLN then Bill Dance Classics
47. Martha Stewart will finally have to admit that Donald Trump owns her when he introduces a line of home fashion accessories and hair care products that become instant market leaders
48. The Goggle guys will finally buy new office furniture
49. No one will notice when Amazon actually breaks even as Embay will announce record profits the same day
………………….GIVE US A MINUTE WE ARE WORKING ON IT……
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This entry was posted on Monday, January 2nd, 2006 at 2:59 pm and is filed under Current / General, Faith, Local, Personal, Politics, Sports, Technology. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.