French Press Conference
Team Swap was fortunate to have a reporter on sight today when French President Chirac held a press conference regarding the decsion to not persuing a law that gave employers the right to let younger employees go before they were tenured. The transcript of the press conference follows.
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I would like to thank you all for coming out today. I would like to announce that the nation of France is no longer going to use the underprivileged, under educated, and the young to support our national industry. As of today we are scraping plans to allow industry to lay off uneffective workers.
As you all know, we had been considered making it legal for companies to lay off or fire young workers before their tenure was vested. Such a move would result in companies treating their employees like individuals who are a capable and able to produce. Such a move would be unfair to those that have grown up expecting a support network in their life. Today I am pleased to announce that France will invest 300 million euros annuallly in training programs, education funding, and student aid to assure that all resident of France - French born or immigrant - have a fair chance at gaining secure life time employment backed by national law. These new funds will come via taxes on French industry, and imports. These two revenue streams should provide sufficient on going funds for the program. If not we will consider increasing the taxes on foreign tourist that come to visit our great nation. I would know like to take questions. Yes Pierre" |
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Pierre Garso - Forbes France - President Chirac how do you plan to deal with the lost jobs and slower economic growth that could result from this move? |
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Two words - Alcatel Profit sharing, ok maybe that is three words, but you get the idea…. Jeanne |
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(Scuffles and noises)
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Serge Tchuruk Chairman and CEO of Alcatel. But that is unfair President Chirac We need to operate at a profit where we can pay for the mandatory 4 weeks of vacation and 90% unemployment benefits. Especially since we are trying to buy Lucent Technologies. |
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Too bad, move to Davos, Switzerland where you can sip hot cocoa with that American Frenchman John Kerry and tell him your problem. Next question….mmm Jeanne |
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Jeanne LeQuick Fashion Weekly. President Chirac is this going to mean that the French fashion world must allow the filthy and smelly to become models within our industry? |
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Of course not dear Jeanne. We believe that the French fashion industry is based on beauty and wealth. Only the beautiful and wealthy should be involved in French fashion, unless of course we are talking about French designers who we believe have the right to only bathe monthly. |
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President Chirac that is unfair. The ugly and smelly are the majority of the French population why should we be kept out of this deal.
RIOT RIOT RIOT RIOT!! |
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Now that we have that unpleasantness straightened out. Who is next…mmm….Francois |
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Francois DeBlanc Paris Playbill. Does this new funding cover the arts were French cinema and plays can be developed to compete with the American, Indian, and British jaugernauts that comprise the majority of recent art work. |
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Of course Francois. We believe that the French government should support the French cinema industry. To prove that point we plan to purchase 10,000 tickets to every new French produced movie next season. That will guarantee at least 10,500 tickets to be sold before the movies are sub titled and sent to New York to play in avante garde movie house. You have a follow up Francois. |
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Thank you President Chirac. As a follow up to my previous question. What do you do plan to do help French art and play production. |
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Yes Francois. We plan to provide every French artist with unlimited scrap metal from the recent riots to produce their work. After the completion the works will tour under the banner - “France production to destruction to recycling” All funds that are generated from the recycling campaign at the end of the tour will go to French plays. Next question my cycling buddy Bernard |
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Bernard Carlos DeGrange LeFleur - Lequipe - Since this new law is designed to provide French youth with equality and fairness, does it mean that all French cyclist get to start each stage of Le Tour 10 minutes ahead of the pack to off set the disadvantages they have faced growthing up? |
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We are considering that, yet we fear that Team CSC, Team Discovery, Team Phonak, or Team T-Mobile may still beat the whole of French cycling. We are in negotions with Dick Pound and the UCI to stop doping test of French cyclist in French races. I mean how long do we have to pay for Team Festina. Next question….mmmm….you there in the turbin I will call you Abdul |
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Does this mean that we should stop burning Peugeot’s and Citerons in the process of demanding equality and only focus on foreign cars during riots? |
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Of course not we would never want to limit your right to burn French cars. Actually, we would encourage you to select French Automobiles as burning them helps to drive French automobile production. Everyone knows that if the rioters did not destroy them, people would trade them for foreign cars that are reliable anyway, so we encourage you to burn them at will. You and your friends are the driving force behind French production today. |
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RIOT RIOT RIOT RIOT RIOT RIOT |
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Way to go my turbin headed friend. If all citizens of France could be as civically minded as Abdul there. Then and only then can we become a minor economic powerhouse in Southern Europe again.
Vive La France Vive La France Vive La France Vive La France Vive La France Vive La France |
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